The Social Media Paradox

March 21, 2025

Oso ondo, friends! Welcome to this week's edition of Ondo Project, where tech innovation meets wellness.

Sometimes our most profound connections happen through screens, while at other times those same screens prevent us from connecting at all.

As someone who spends her days working on and with technology at AWS and her "off hours" cultivating a digital presence across platforms, I've been contemplating the complex relationship we have with social media—a relationship that grows increasingly layered as AI reshapes these spaces.

The Evolving Social Media Landscape

The social platforms we engage with daily are no longer simply social—they're sophisticated AI systems designed to understand, predict, and influence our behavior. At their core, these companies have built monetization models around maximizing engagement, with policies around "free speech" and expression often serving this primary goal rather than user wellbeing.

This week, while editing my first YouTube vlog chronicling my Bali trip, I found myself reflecting on my journey across various platforms over the years. What started as innocent social connection has evolved into complex digital ecosystems where harassment, kindness, creativity, and commerce all intertwine—powered increasingly by AI that could either amplify problems or help solve them.

The results of this reflection inspired this newsletter's exploration of social media's good, bad, and downright ugly aspects—and how we might navigate them mindfully in an AI-powered world.

The Good: Connection, Community & Discovery

Despite valid criticisms, social media platforms offer tremendous value when used intentionally:

Authentic Community Building: My yoga community stays connected through a private Instagram group, sharing practices and supporting each other's wellness journeys across continents.

Knowledge Discovery: LinkedIn has transformed from a resume repository to my primary source of AI innovation insights. By curating my feed to follow thought leaders who prioritize ethical AI implementation, I discover research and perspectives that directly enhance my work.

Creative Expression: For many creators, these platforms provide unprecedented reach for meaningful content. A landscape photographer I follow uses her platform to advocate for environmental conservation, with each stunning image accompanied by climate action resources.

Professional Growth: The AWS cloud community I engage with online has directly contributed to my career advancement. Every job I’ve ever gotten has come through a human connection.

The Bad: The Attention Economy & Algorithmic Control

The business model underlying most platforms creates inherent tensions with our wellbeing:

The Dopamine Loop: Social validation through likes and comments triggers the same neural pathways as addictive substances. I notice when my hand reaches for my phone during moments of boredom or discomfort—a habit I consciously work to disrupt.

Algorithm-Directed Attention: These platforms don't simply reflect our interests—they shape them. After researching AI ethics for a work project, my feeds across all platforms became saturated with related content, narrowing rather than expanding my digital experience.

Productivity Fragmentation: Research suggests that each notification interruption requires an average of 23 minutes to regain deep focus. Last Tuesday, I logged 37 notification checks during a three-hour work session—over 14 hours of potential recovery time.

Filter Bubbles: The personalization that makes these platforms engaging also limits exposure to diverse perspectives. When I temporarily switched my location to Indonesia within Instagram's settings, my recommended content transformed dramatically, revealing how much my "personalized" experience had been geographically constrained.

The Ugly: Harassment, Bullying & Mental Health Impacts

As AI becomes more sophisticated, certain problematic aspects of social media intensify—and my own experiences highlight the very real human cost:

The Trauma of Digital Harassment: My first introduction to online cruelty came at just 14 years old. After creating a Facebook account as a high school freshman, older girls tagged me in explicit photos of genital herpes. Before the days of tag approval, these images circulated among my peers who mistakenly believed they were pictures of me. The confusion, betrayal, and shame I felt was overwhelming—and shaped my relationship with social platforms for years to come.

Platform-Specific Traumas: Each platform seems to harbor its own flavor of toxicity. Twitter/X became so detrimental to my mental health during the 2020 election that I haven't returned since. More recently on TikTok, after posting a dance video, a stranger commented on my "jiggling belly" that wasn't "perfectly flat." When I disabled comments out of self-protection, he pursued me to older videos to continue the harassment. What should have been joyful creative expression became another source of anxiety.

Creator Vulnerability: I'm not alone in these experiences. Many respected influencers, creators, and celebrities consistently cite cruel comments as the most difficult aspect of internet visibility. As I've been reading Rick Rubin's "The Creative Act," his observation resonates deeply. Releasing art into the world is a great act of vulnerability. While innovative work may naturally divide audiences, the deliberate cruelty that permeates these spaces goes far beyond artistic critique.

The Cost of Engagement: What's particularly heartbreaking is discovering that content you created went "viral" (as I found when I finally returned to TikTok after a two-year absence) but missed experiencing that moment of connection because harassment drove you away. The algorithms reward engagement—even negative engagement—at the cost of creator wellbeing.

Finding Balance: My Social Media Wellness Practice

After these experiences across platforms spanning over a decade, here's the approach I'm currently implementing:

1. Platform Selection Based on Safety

I've become much more intentional about which platforms deserve my presence:

• Instagram remains my primary platform because it effectively connects me with friends and family globally while allowing creative self-expression through videos and photos

• LinkedIn provides consistently positive professional interactions—I've never been trolled there despite its growing popularity

• YouTube is my newest creative outlet, where I've just published my first vlog about Bali. TBD if I experience toxicity there…!

• Bluesky, founded and run by women, promises a different environment, though I'm still exploring it

• TikTok I approach with extreme caution after my experiences

• Twitter/X remains a no-go zone for my mental health

2. Conscious Creativity Approach

Reading Rick Rubin's "The Creative Act" has transformed how I think about posting content:

• Embracing vulnerability as necessary for authentic expression

• Accepting that truly innovative work might alienate as many people as it attracts

• Remembering that "if everyone likes it, you probably haven't gone far enough"

• Creating primarily for myself rather than external validation

3. The WWJD Test

Growing up in Atlanta in the 90s, "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelets were popular in my elementary school. I've adapted this concept for my digital interactions:

• Before posting or commenting, pausing to consider: "Is this kind? Is this generous? Is this true?"

• Imagining platforms where everyone applied this simple filter

• Actively choosing to be the change I wish to see in digital spaces

4. Physical Space Separation

Inspired by Balinese temple traditions where sacred spaces are physically demarcated, I've created tech-free zones in my home:

• Bedroom remains device-free (using Alexa as my alarm clock)

• No phones at the table during meals

• Daily device free walks outside

• Reading nook in the living room is exclusively for physical books

5. Balanced Growth Strategy

Recognizing the tension between building a following and maintaining mental health:

• Acknowledging that algorithms reward daily posting and engagement

• Taking intentional breaks despite the "growth penalty"

• Measuring success by meaningful connection rather than metrics alone

• Leveraging AI tools to schedule posts in advance

The AI-Wellness Connection: How AI Could Transform Social Media

For those AI-focused techies reading this newsletter, I see tremendous opportunity for technologies that address the issues I've experienced firsthand:

AI-Powered Harassment Prevention: The language processing capabilities of today's AI models are more than capable of addressing cyberbullying. Imagine a simple "Are you sure you want to say that mean thing to this lady on the internet?" prompt before posting potentially harmful comments. Technology isn't the limitation here—it's a matter of business and product decisions prioritizing user wellbeing.

Positive Experience = Greater Engagement: The more positive my experience is on a platform, the more likely I am to participate, engage, post, share, and even shop. My TikTok story illustrates this perfectly—a viral video should have been a moment of celebration that deepened my platform engagement. Instead, harassment drove me away for years.

Gender Equity in Platform Design: It's telling that Bluesky, founded and run by women, is developing a reputation for a different kind of social environment. The perspectives and lived experiences of platform creators directly influence user safety and experience.

Ethical AI Development: Companies prioritizing user wellbeing in their algorithms will increasingly differentiate themselves as regulatory scrutiny intensifies and users become more selective about where they spend their digital time.

There's tremendous opportunity for technology that enhances rather than depletes human potential—creating systems that respect emotional health and safety while providing genuine value and connection.

What's Next

Next week, I'll be sharing insights about how AI is transforming social media's impact on our collective attention and what technology leaders can do to create more humane systems.

Until then, I'd love to hear: What's your relationship with social media? Have you established any boundaries that enhance your digital wellness? What role do you see AI playing in either improving or challenging our online experiences?

Reply to this email with your thoughts—I read every response :)

Until next week, may you find your own moments of "ondo" in the midst of our digital world.

Be well,
Maddy

P.S. A small tech tip inspired by my social media experiment: Try the "notification batching" approach—adjust your settings so all notifications arrive during your designated engagement windows rather than throughout the day. The immediate difference in focus is remarkable.

Currently reading: Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now by Jaron Lanier. A provocative perspective that's challenging my thinking about platform engagement.

Checkout my first ever Youtube Vlog! Follow my yoga retreat in Bali :)